I can’t even say it’s not living up to expectations. It’s just my own expectations. Everything I want to work for. School needs to stop. I never thought I’d say school would be a stressor for me but it is. I have everything under control but I don’t. My classes are fine, but I’m not. I’m staying on top of my class work, but for the first time, I don’t want to be. I’m staying disciplined enough to stay focused, but on the inside, as soon as I leave class, I break down. I’ve been working on this goal for over 18 months now and honestly no progress. Temporary progress, yes. but on the long term, what good is short term progress, if I digress the next week. I’m strong, but how can I be stronger?!? I can’t get past this stage and it’s starting to affect my relationships. I’m withdrawing from my friends. Not on purpose, just as a result. All my free time is being put into this (and music). I find excuses now. And idk if they even notice. Which never used to bother me, but I feel that now it’s just adding to my spiral. Sometimes I just want to be. Just exist and not worry. But then I remember life.
There was an interview with the boys where Ashton was talking about seeing MIchael to his right, Calum to his left, and Luke in front of him, and I think something about wanting the band to stay like that, etc.
Does anyone know which interview I’m thinking of?
Ya’ll are the only people who don’t know me in real life, so you get the privalage of reading this rant.
I don’t have close friends. No one to really talk to or hang out with.
It’s become more evident since summer, since I’m at home alone (sister away at camp). I’ve tried making plans, but people are always busy with other people…
I want to see Lay and J-Hope dance together. I feel like their styles could match well